(23): Who Are We Joking?

MA Iliasu.

Man is naturally never adrift of irony. Observation has proved that. And so we live in a world in which people think the leader of global super power, who beforehand, also happens to be a multimillionaire, is dumb because he chat nonsense to the media. We live in a world in which people think the Korean leader is bad and therefore deserves staying in coma because he doesn't fancy smiling in the public. We live in the world in which people think the governor of the state that accommodates the largest commercial city in Africa, who beforehand holds a doctorate degree and has been in power for half his own life, is dumb and stupid because he looks like a perishing doughnut. The same ironic world that thinks the governor of the state that borders the city from south is a genius by hanging his economy, which the economists say is a bicycle that falls when the wheels stop rolling, by the balls. The world in which grown adults think social media hashtags could rescue the oppressed Uyghur Muslims in China, the politically-motivated destruction of Syria and Yemen, and the anarchic physical, socioeconomic and cultural castration of Palestine. This is the world that thinks America would militarily pay for intercepting Qassem Soleimani, and Buhari would get away with banning rice importation, amidst rice being one of the most political global commodities of recent times.

That being said, even the irony, if to be personified would find our irony ironic. Elementary logic has it that when a millionaire calls Donald Trump - a millionaire - dumb, as has been the norm since his first day in office, he simply is telling the world that a dumb person could be a millionaire. Which is a self-deluding disrespect not only to a millionaire, but any person that has a little grasp of, or respect for, the laissez-faire wealth creation endeavor. I am not a prophet, but Joe Biden is in for a massive surprise in December if he shares the same popular opinion. The same goes to the accusers of Kim Jung-Un. For they're not more than teenagers who believe people smile to attract admiration and respect, who also believe smiling should be a measure of character and leadership. When they certainly have no idea that people smile mainly because it feels good down there. And some either have enough that they don't have to count on smile, or they're telling admiration is not what they're looking. They're there only to get the job done. No wonder leaders are being criticized for stupid reasons, while the serious issues are left unabated. But then that's not all.

Our native people who measures leadership and social relation intelligence from what their eyes feed their minds of the subject's facial appearance, are, in my humble opinion, worse. Ganduje, a lifetime administrator and holder of PhD, who had served as deputy governor for two administrations, and is serving his second tenure as a governor can't be more disrespected. Or rather, the imagination of his non-romantic judges can't be more narrow. The 2019 elections in Kano were questionable. But what should be questioned was Ganduje's sense of morality rather than his mastery of power struggle. Which in the game is irrelevant. To stay in power when majority says no is not a job for the gullible. And I wish my people can understand. After all, we have it on good authority that all is fair in love and war. But while in no way that should be justified, the same could be said regarding never doubting the formidability of the struggle actor. Put your head down and appreciate greatness. He mightn't have the cautiousness of Prison Break's penitentiary officer, Mr. Bradley Bellick in the fact that gets caught. But the man is a smiling Kim Jung-Un; he certainly is getting the job done.

El-rufa'i, the unquestionable by the popular opinion, the fancy and bold associate professor of Covid-19 handling, is, on the other hand, massively-lauded for his incredible valor towards taming the Kaduna state economy against getting infected by the deadly coronavirus. What an eye-glass wearing artist the governor is! He is so wise he can afford watching the wheel of his economy stop rolling. Perhaps economists are bunch of liars, economic theory even more. But the exercise of these romantic thoughts is what the populace of small scale Kaduna state marketers can't afford. Where is the money? The marketers in Kano have asked and testified. Customers, in the literal meaning of the word, turning into debtors, not in the accounting meaning, is hardly what one would expect from the vibrant, ever debt-hating Kaduna native textiles marketers who export from Kano to Kaduna. Perhaps the governor's genius couldn't see the fact that his economy has eaten it's present earning in the past during the lockdown, and is now borrowing it's future earning to eat in the presence, from the same Kano economy he loves to slander. I love this game! (In Patrick Evra's voice).

No wonder the governor's mouthpieces are social media hashtag dictators. Who, for worse, think the situation of Uyghur Muslims in China, the turmoil in Syria and Yemen, and the audacious massacre in Palestine can change by a subtle act of humanely compassion using their fingertips. But then to be fair they're not alone in this. For the irony encapsulate even the self-conceived rational intellectuals who breath the perceptions of correct and incorrect. China has come of age. At least that's what we're told by our brilliant economic, sociocultural and geopolitics analysts. But to understand that coming of age means warding off any political and economic intervention that contrast what the communal harmony of china perceive as best, is something the popular opinion has fallen short to remember. The fate of Uyghur Muslims lies in the hands of God. As it has always been. He is conscious of their situation. And He shall make a decision on them when He sees fit. Down here, let's just pray for the greater growth of Chinese compassion where it feels it should offer none. As we should for the recklessness of Israel against Palestine, the negligence of Saudi Arabia against Yemen and the audacity of Turkey, among others, in Syria.

Our compadres in Tehran must have certainly endured the grief of losing one of the greatest Military Generals of recent memory. A gravely loss it was, followed by a publicized grief and globally-feared passionate threats of vengeance. Which was then followed by incredible silence. Perhaps Covid-19 was so massive it could broker the occurrence of Third World War. Or perhaps Vito Corleone, the famous Mafia Don in Mario Puzzo's bestseller, The Godfather, was all alone spot on in his repetitive warn against threat, preference of logic over feeling, and certainly nurturing of friend over enemy. My grandmother once said that when a little bone block your throat, you should bully it down with a giant loaf of bread. The authority in Tehran disagreed with Vito Corleone by issuing series of threats. But they later reason with the Don by realizing the fact that the existence of Qassem Soleimani alone was blocking United States interest, just as was the existence of the Mafia Don was blocking the narcotics route of Joseph Barzini and Phillip Tattaglia. Sadly, the United States was more prolific than Virgil Sollozo. And the authority in Tehran was not as chaotic as Santino Corleone, or as suicidal as Michael Corleone. It was all business not personal. War was avoided. But what a disappointment it was for the curios post-modern children who only knew it on the book pages of George RR Martin and RR Tolkien's fantasy, therefore were so eager to see how gruesome the horror of aggression can be. All thanks to God, the Punisher of hubris and the Keeper of peace. Courtesy of His mercy, many people have to endure the pandemic only rather than the double penetration it would by coming alongside the Third World War. But in Nigeria, the story was different. People were fighting pandemic while wondering which could be more exorbitant; the potentially-expensive Covid-19 cure or a bag of rice?

After the first world war, “the president of United States Mr. Herbert Hoover had his ears ringing with the economists’ hollow reassurances that the self-correcting stabilizers of the market economy were about to kick in. Therefore, he responded like a distressed shopkeeper. Indeed, his administration tried to do what every shopkeeper does in lean times: tighten the belt. In order to do something, he acted as many a beleaguered leader acts: he turned against the foreigners. In June 1930, a bill was rushed through Congress raising tariffs on imports in an ill-fated attempt to increase demand for domestically produced goods. When other countries retaliated, world trade suffered, things got worse and the malaise spread further afield.” - The Global Minotaur. I am not saying that Buhari was the second coming of Hoover, but I am very certain the president befriended Hoover with his anti-importation policy in a recovering economy like that of the States after the war.

Rice, one of the most political commodities traded globally has never been more exorbitant in Nigeria anytime in the history of the country. Courtesy of banning it's importation. And while so much can be saved in foreign exchange, and so much can be controlled in inflation, the worrying poverty that breed due to the more than double increase in the price of the common food can never be justified even by the most romantic of apologists. Oil lost market later during the ride. To say it was a response by other countries after all that has been learnt of the trouble between Saudi-Aramco and Russia would be absurd. But Rice being political commodity is making me nervous. Aren't the outside world retaliating by boycotting oil as Britain and Scandinavia did Hoover? I don't know. After all, I am an awful conspiracy theorist. But how the two eventful economic activities cancel each other leaves no impact rather than the rich rice producers profiting off the sweat of the poor. While the US dollar is currently exchanged at higher price than when rice is being imported. The ban that was supposed to reduce the demand in dollar, which would force it's price down, becomes, at best lame, and at worst, poverty-breeding. Visionary apologists think it's good for the future. But John Maynard Keynes disagrees. And only stupid disagrees with Keynes. Surely in the long run we're all dead. Therefore any anti-masses policy that is covered by the pessimistic prophetic promises shouldn't be considered. May God save the poor. And may He save us from the ill-decisions of elitist-economists.

MA Iliasu writes from Kano.